Thought Leadership

Lost in Translation

Matt Heys

Senior VP, Artificial Intelligence & Neural Genesis

In a recent project for a large multinational organisation, we’ve been making use of the Cyferd platform’s multi-language capabilities. Using the solution we have built with the customer, end-users can experience the application in their native language with a seamless interface that adjusts on-the-fly to changes in system language selection. No need for different systems catering to different parts of the organisation; no need to create multiple duplicate views for each language; the platform allows builders to add translations in after the fact and maintain a single, unified solution.

 

This has been an interesting project to work on and useful for making me seem much more intelligent and educated than I actually am. Being able to pretend I understand French, Italian, Arabic, and Turkish, whilst actually barely being proficient in my own native tongue is a great ability. Thanks Cyferd, for making look I cleverer.

 

However, all this work on multi-language support has made me reflect on my many inadequacies – mainly my inability to speak anything but English – but as a proud millennial, I’ll take any chance to put myself down and self-flagellate. Having said that, thanks to a decade of work in the public sector earlier in my career, and having climbed the corporate ladder to senior leadership positions, I can say I’m fluent in translating thinly veiled email insults and corporate bovine faeces into normal language (and vice versa). So, in an attempt to provide some sort of reasonable word count for this blog – and as further proof I should perhaps go and work for Buzzfeed – here’s my 2025 translation guide for the modern capitalist pawn:

  •  “Hey <your name>” = “90% chance I’m about to ruin your day”
  • “Hey <your name>, can you give me a ring?” = “100% chance I’m about to ruin your day BUT I’ve accidentally alerted you and now you’re going to ignore me for the rest of the week…”
  • “That’s weird, I’ve never seen it do that before” = “I broke it earlier and haven’t fixed it yet”
  • “Let’s pick this up offline” = “I can see the light has faded from everyone’s eyes and fear our fickle collective existence may fade into the corporate void if we don’t move on”
  • “I’ll give you the time back” = “Everyone loves me and appreciates the 3 minutes and 26 seconds I’ve released back into their workday”
  • “Hmmmm, let me think about that one” = “I will stare into the middle distance, questioning every one of my life choices and mentally reliving all awkward social interactions I’ve had recently for the next 10 minutes until I decide to ‘put a pin in this one'”
  • “That’s a great question” = “I sometimes wonder how you remember to breathe”
  • “It would be great if you could socialise the learning points from the stakeholder update sessions, focusing on how they align with our strategic objectives and vision statement, and recultivating our efforts to synergise customer dynamics with our quarter 3 work statement” = “I have no idea what my job actually is but if I talk with a lot of long words and with confidence, I can keep bringing home this chunky pay cheque”
  • “I don’t understand why this is proving so difficult, it’s an easy requirement” = “I was formed in the fires of hell by lucifer’s own hand, and my soul already burns for eternity in damnation for the awful human being I’m pretending to be”
  • “Appreciate your patience” = “I have failed you and everyone you love, and I’m hoping this phrase makes it okay”
  • “Do it lady!” = “On your birthday. All of it. At once. Yeah. All the time”

At Cyferd, we’re not just enabling seamless multi-language support – we’re also helping technologists pretend they’re sophisticated polyglots and not just passive-aggressive basement dwellers. This project reminded us all that while we might not know how to say “Where is the library?” in Turkish, we do know how to build dynamic, scalable, and beautifully unified solutions that make multilingual applications look effortless.

 

Tune in next time for my tutorial on how to speak to Gen-Z including phrases such as “Bruh”, “No cap”, and “Just put the fries in the bag”. Because I’m young. And cool. Still. Please agree. Thanks. Good night.

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